Poem #9--The Spiral Staircase

THE SPIRAL STAIRCASE


Down the spiral staircase I did skip
to another dark, somnambulaic script
and questions faltered after me
faceless voices in agony
and I wish guilt gave death, not life, to dreams.
The moon was so fat and blinding bright
that it cast a false noon across the night
and the shining paths led everywhere
and even seemed to stretch into the air.
And questions faltered after me
like the drums that droned from the watching trees
...forgetting's the only thing to set you free.
Violins, like crickets, filled the night
crooning for the things that steal the light
and organ chords swooped batlike through the sky
trolling for a memory long gone by.
And questions faltered after me
a melee or a symphony
and I just want them all to let me be.
Our bodies lay together bathed in black
she had a fine-tip marker, wrote in blue upon my back
a column left and a column right
a dozen couples' names she writes
her name was paired with someone else
I looked and saw no mention of myself.
And questions faltered after me
words that I can't hear or see
but now I know I'm paired with jealousy.
Beneath the twisted bigtop of my mind
a different haunted house each night I thought I'd left behind
my pond has sharks, I see their fins
I walk a road that never ends
a bull that chases me for miles
the girl I follow through the darkened aisles.
And questions faltered after me
frantic like a hive of bees
I beg but they refuse to hear my pleas.
My stepdad died in 1991
but in my dreams he visits us and then he's got to run
and all the things I left unsaid
I want to tell him, but instead
I wake to face the fact that he is dead.
And questions faltered after me
nagging me incessantly
there's so much more I want my life to be.
Up the spiral staircase I did climb
the journey always ends this way and always just in time
for there is no place I can hide
from all the things I keep inside
the waking world conceals the truth
but sleep provides the burden and the proof.
And questions falter after me
forever more and endlessly
and I wish guilt gave death, not life, to dreams.