Kenneth "Frito" Lay is Dead (and other boo-hoos)

Well, Kenneth Lay is now dead. Boo-fucking-hoo. Bye, Kenny. Thanks for sinking the big, pink torpedo into so many people's hopes and dreams before you struck out on the Worm Road. Bollocks to ya, pal.

K.L. joins the vaunted Fortner's Boo-hoo-hooing List, a list for those I don't and won't miss. Also on the list: Benito "Finito" Mussolini; Joe-Joe "Don't call me Jenny" McCarthy; the Columbine nerds that wore the corny-ass trenchcoats (their biggest mistake? They should have started with themselves first); all of the Orcs from Lord of the Rings; Kyle Sandlin and Joe Gibson, former next-door-neighbors of mine at Marshall U. (they're probably not dead yet, but I just can't wait to put them on the list--they're THAT nice); Adolph, naturally; and Michael Moore (again, he's not dead yet, but when he is, you can be assured that Big Business is to blame!!!).

On the You're-Cool-So-You-Can-Live List: My cat, Pippen; my imaginary friend, Doren Pillock III; all of the Bailey family (all 9,000 members); and the red-haired girl at the Sophia Food Lion grocery store (nice pants, babe).

That is all.